New Friends

Moving is hard on everyone. I worry about the kids making new friends and fitting in. I worry for Lee, hoping that his new work environment will be a positive one. I worry about settling into our house, about finding the right mix for our lives. Every time we move, the concerns are generally the same, with minor variations.

One thing that I struggle with personally is making new friends. I've found that men are less prone to need intimate friendships beyond their spouse. I hate to generalize and do not in any way mean to say that men don't need friends. However, men get much of their daily social needs met in the workplace. No matter what country, city or state we live in, Lee will always have interactions at work and will always be able to develop relationships in that environment.

Women are creatures of a different nature. We thrive on deep lasting friendships with other women. We need our 'girl time'. We need someone with whom we can talk and talk, even if it's not about anything serious or deep. When you relocate a stay at home mom, it takes a lot of hard work and effort to explore, find and cultivate satisfying relationships.

I think making new friends is a lot like dating. You meet someone you think might be a good fit for your personality and then one of you has to be the brave one- the one who goes out on a limb and makes an invitation to socialize - someone has to ask the other out for a first date, so to speak. Then, you try to find an activity where you can get to know each other, but you choose carefully. If you have young children at home it's a little easier because you can use them as an excuse to socialize, or to end the 'date' if things aren't clicking. After the 'first date', if it goes well, you are left wondering if she liked you as much as you liked her, or vice versa. Should I call her, should I wait for her to call me? How long should I wait? I don't want to be a stalker, after all! It's a precarious process and I've found that you can live in a place for years and never find 'Mrs/Ms. Right'.

I made a new friend today. We sat next to each other at the gymnastics gym, talked politely for awhile and I got up the courage to give her my phone number. She gave me her number but I was too nervous to call. Maybe it's just the action of stepping outside one's comfort zone. Lucky for me, my new friend was bold and called me, inviting me out to lunch. I was a little nervous.... what would we talk about, just the two of us, face to face with no children to hide behind? I couldn't even remember exactly what she looked like, having met her only once.

So I made sure to get to the restaurant a little early, so I could scan all the incoming patrons. I actually worried the night before about this lunch date. Usually I just rely on making friends at church, which is comfortable and safe. Much to my happiness and relief, lunch was so fun! We had plenty of things to talk about, we had a lot of things in common, and we spent over an hour and a half gabbing. Maybe she won't become my new BFF, but it sure was nice to get out of the apartment and make a new friend.