What Makes the World Go Round?

It's often been said that money makes the world go round. I would have to disagree; control makes the world go round. I don't mean the kind of control that a mighty country might have in the international community. I'm not referring to the control that is obtained by buying a certain percentage of shares of a company. Nor am I even referring to the control we can exercise over the ones we love, whether it's intentional manipulation or the control we have without even knowing it.

The control I am referring to is self control. We have daily choices to make - all day, everyday. From the choice of what color socks to wear to what route to take to work, or whether or not to bend the truth a little, our ability to exercise self control is always present, always there for us to master. As I watch my children, fighting over the remote control, I see them choosing how to react, how to manipulate the situation. When my girls are sure that the world is coming to a crashing end because one sister won't share with the other, it's amazing how quickly they are able to make amends and resolve the situation on their own when faced with my very small intervention of "Either work it out lovingly between the two of you, or I will take it away." Suddenly, the situation changes. At first they were 100% sure that they had no choice but to yell and scream, but quickly realized that they did have power to come to a mutual agreement.

So, you are wondering, where I am going with this whole dissertation on self control? We all go through highs and lows in our lives, peaks and valleys, periods of turmoil and periods of peace and satisfaction. Recently, our family came through a trying time... a definite valley. As we have pulled together and made difficult, yet righteous decisions, I have seen the power that comes through exercising self control. I have seen changes that come through making good choices. I have felt the peace that comes when a family works together as a family to follow the Lord's path, even when you're not sure where it will take you.

I had surgery in October and took quite awhile to recover. During that recovery period, I had some time for serious personal reflection. I have many strengths and many weaknesses. One weakness that I particularly dislike is my lack of patience with my children. I tend to be short with the kids, yelling instead of talking things through. I didn't even realize just how unacceptable this was until spending some time with a wonderful friend here in Shanghai. After a year of watching her with her children, it finally occurred to me that I could be that kind of mother. I struggle with anxiety and have for so many years. Whenever I feel out of control and anxious with the kids, I have (in the past) just blamed it on my medical condition. My kids and I refer to my medicine as 'brain medicine' because it helps my brain produce all the chemicals that I need. When I am particularly grumpy, Ally usually asks "Mom, did you take your brain medicine today?"

So back to the surgery (I promise it all ties in). Last night Ally looked at me, as we were making cookies, and asked if my surgery had anything to do with my brain. I told her no and asked her why she asked. She replied that since my surgery I had been much nicer...  much more like Sister So and So, and wondered if they had fixed my brain. It made me so happy to know that my efforts in self control were paying off. I have admired this sister and tried to imitate her interactions with her children, in the hopes that imitation would help me get where I wanted to be, which is a more loving, patient and kind mother. What joy I felt, knowing that even though I struggle, and even though I really do have to maintain daily medications to feel emotional health, that the gift of free agency is there for me to take advantage of. It is so easy to look for a scape goat, to look for somewhere to place blame, rather than taking responsibility and accepting that the consequences of our actions are real and tangible.

We teach our children to exercise self control each day. We teach them through little mini life lessons and we teach through example. So, today I stand on my very short soap box, feeling pleased that in at least one area of my life I've managed to exercise a little self control. Now, the trick is to keep it up, continuing to "be loving and gentle in deed and in thought, for these are the things Jesus taught." We are promised great blessings when we endure to the end. I don't think that means that we just continue 'being', living and breathing. I think that means we have to keep making good decisions, every step of the way. We have to keep on keeping on, even when it would be so much easier not to.

Money doesn't make the world go round, using our power and agency to exercise self control is what makes us happy and complete.